It get’s better! My Story!

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All through school I never felt good enough! I didnt have many friends. I can remember the first time i was called gay, at that time i had no idea what that word ment. Im not sure my age but I was in the first grade and this older kid that I assume as I look back on this had to have been high school or middle school aged, had some gum. He asked a few kids on the bus if they wanted a piece. As he walked up the aisle he passed me and i grabbed the side of his over-alls to get his attention, with the inttention of asking for a piece of gum. I dont remember exactly how it was said but i do remember that i was called gay by a much older kid! I never faced much gay ridicule up until the third or fourth grade when the kids would make their fag this and fag that remarks. Not very harmful but still unneccessary! All through school, up until high school even, I felt less than the other kids. I wasnt fortunate enough to have the name brand clothes they had. My mom couldnt afford to take us on the kind of trips I heard the other kids said they took because of course my mom was single and living off my child support and her $5.00 minimum wage at the time! By the time i entered high school I began accepting who i was and I knew I was gay just hadnt told anyone yet. Of course all my classmates made their comments, I had rumors about me! Around my sophomore year I had these two female friends to whom I first finnaly came out to. I asked them to keep it hush hush, but i feel they told our other mutual friends cause as I slowly came out, people told me they knew! That either thay could tell or just thought so! All the time im thinking they could of told me, let me in on my own secret! Turns out, no one cared! I was so worried I’d lose friends, I end up gaining friends! So the year progresses and one of my close friends, Keisha Clark, had seen my dance to some NSync song. The annual spring talent show comes up, all this time she encourages me to enter. Now mind you at this time I was still the shy quiet kid that sat in the back of class doing the things im supposed to trying to fit in. So, I finally work the nerve up and ask mom for the money to enter. Now by this time Im completely out and am feeling tired of not being noticed blending in. Suddenly its the day of the talent show. Trust me im scared shitless because Ive never been the center of attention, let alone have the whole school see me dance. So I put on my little performance to NSyncs Dirty Pop. I hit the part where they grind on the floor in the break down section and the entire student body scream in excitement! They were screaming my name! Suddenly I was being noticed, so much so that at the end of the talent show the show choir teacher asks me to join show choir, and of course I did! So in the following talent shows in the following years I perform some sort of dance. But of course doing so still had its drawbacks, the guys that didnt like it so much still called me a fag and whispered about me as we passed in the hall! Im not gonna lie it still hurt but not as bad anymore cause i felt that they were jealous cause theyre girls were screaming my name in the talent shows each year! Suddenly I feel as comfortable as I could possibly feel being openly gay at 16 in high school. One day I was at lunch and i only had one friend during that lunch period. We of course decide to sit with eachother. We sit down with her boyfriend, she soon gets up for some reason and he says to me “you cant sit her, i dont like faggots.” By this time im head strong about who i am and tell him “oh well,” simply stated. Of course i still feel uncomfortable sitting alone with this guy, he was bigger than me and ive never been in a fight!
So now high school is over im an adult. I know and love who i am! My identity makes me the wondeful amazing person i am! So for those of you struggling with your identity or comming out, please please come out to play! Trust me i understand how tough it can feel. You think your family wont love you, your friends will hate you and youll be alone. You will never be alone. To be honest your parents may not like it at first but thats only because they dont understand it. also trust me when i say they will come around! They just have to understand this is not about them and what they may have done wrong, its about you! So please dont hesitate in accepting yourself and comming out. Theres a whole community millions of people strong that love you no matter who you are or what you are! Talk to someone! Maybe the gay teacher at your school, its a fact that all schools have at least one (its just the odds), he or she has gone through exactly what youve been through. Talk to your schools counselour. Never let doubts or insecurities drive you to suicide. Theres a war you need to help fight against homophobia hatred and innacceptance. Be strong, be a warrior! Every moment can be your shinning moment! Trust me when I say it get’s better.

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